My collection...

In general, I lack faith in humanity. It seems to me that far too many of us take for granted the countless privileges we are granted in this world. Many explanations exist as to why we are where we are today, ranging from religion to Darwinian evolution. Personally, I like to believe that it is sheer dumb luck that any of us was blinked into existence, doubly so at this point in time and space. I don't really believe that we deserve any of what we have when the other creatures get by without means of automobiles or massive sky scrapers.

I say again that this is a rather generalized statement. There are, of course, many people out there doing their best to live humbly and take only what they need from the world around them, and I applaud them. I'm certainly no shimmering star, as I currently drive a big-ass van that gets less than 20 miles to the gallon and rarely take the initiative to carpool. I do my best to get as much use out of my resources as I can though, and I appreciate those of you that do the same.

With this in mind, I have been contemplating skills, and their practical purposes. Everyone is blessed with skills in some area or another. Most people posses what is referred to as marketable skills, things you're good at that can earn you a few dimes. Skills such as these can get you far in our market-driven society, and if you use them well, you can make millions. There are other skills though, skills that aren't so monetarily rewarding. These skills can take you just as far as, if not farther than, the marketable ones; it's just a matter of how you use them.

So what skills do I posses then? I'm good with computers, fascinated by numbers, I like taking things apart to see how they work and then trying to put them back together again. These skills are no longer interesting to me though. What interests me is my ability to read people, to look beyond the exterior and see what's inside. I guess in a way I take people apart to see how they work. Let me elaborate:

When I'm at school, I'm surrounded by a sea of people who are absorbed in their appearance. Narcissism runs rampant on NCState's campus and in some ways it's refreshing and in others it makes me a little bit sick to my stomach. Now, this self appreciation can be found in most other places, after all, no place is perfect. And to be fair, the benefits are very nice, in a society so totally centered on looks, the girls are HOT, almost every single one of them. I'll see a girl that makes my head spin and then walk 2 paces and see another one, they are literally everywhere. That's right, hotties are a dime a dozen down here in the triangle, the only caveat is that to snag one, you have to be pretty fucking Narcissistic yourself.

At home, things are very different. At home, everything is beautiful. Now, beauty and hotness are not the same thing at all. As a matter of fact, if I took some friends from school home to Asheville with me, they might not see a single girl that even remotely interested them. This is because many of the girls in Asheville don't care about being hooked by some cute guy, they aren't madly in love with themselves, and the certainly don't need you lusting after them. They are, however, some of the most beautiful creatures I have ever met.

Hot is an intensely superficial term, and anyone who takes it as a compliment is an intensely superficial person. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's nice to feel hot, sometimes you want to be lusted after, sometimes the attention is nice, but hot should not be a 24/7 endeavor. Beauty transcends the surface, beauty is a measure of your personality and (should you believe in such a thing) your soul. When I go home, all of the Blue Ridge Mountain Range resonates with beauty, and I am in bliss. When I return to my big city school with its big city people, I die a little bit inside, and it takes me a while to recognize the hotties, because they spend so much time trying to cover up the mistakes they've made and the regrets they have with make up that their beauty has been lost and forgotten.

So what am I doing with my skills? Because after all, what good is a skill if you don't use it properly? I collect the beautiful people. That's right, some of you have coin collections, or card collections, or pet collections. Me, I couldn't care less about those things, far too tangible, far too constant. I collect people, I see the beauty in people, I warm myself with the beauty of people, and I don't really care how marketable or non-marketable this skill of mine is. It keeps me warm, it keeps me sane, it keeps me happy.

I'll leave you with something to consider. I came to school in August of '05 after a rather miserable summer in which my girlfriend dumped me and I spent the entire time working and having almost no fun at all. The first people I met were the RAs for my floor in my residence hall. One was Sara, who was actually my RA, living in the suite next to mine. The other was Michelle, who was from the other end of the hall. Sara was a sweet innocent Mormon girl with the body of a goddess and did her best to be a good RA to me. Michelle was abrasive, somewhat bitter, and very sarcastic, and upon realizing that I was actually Sara's resident, didn't really make much of an effort to impress me. Of the two, I was attracted to Michelle the most because I could feel her warmth. She wanted nothing to do with me (which I later discovered was due to the fact that she's a lesbian) for quite some time but I pursued, regardless. I'm madly in love with Michelle and she's the best friend I have at school right now because I had to get to know her, because her beauty is so warm and refreshing in this miserable god-forsaken town.

With that in mind, I encourage you all to find BEAUTY wherever you are, and try not to get too blinded by all the hotties ;-)

<3 Me