Introspection...

We all go through life a little differently. Some of us are seeking wealth beyond our imagining, others true love, and many more have yet to decide what exactly it is they live for. I think I probably fit into that last group somewhere. I certainly don't have a plan for my life, nor do I presume to know the "right" way to live. All I can do is try my best to figure out what it is that I'm doing that seems to be working or not working, depending on when I ask the questions.

Lately I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety over what to do after college. Many of my friends are ready to start their lives, get the job, find the girl, make the babies. I'm not down with that. That's not where my life is headed right now. Why is it that while all of my friends seem to be working their asses off to impress their prospective employers, I'm slacking my ass off and hoping that I'll be out of school as soon as possible? As it turns out, I believe that there is a link to the past in every decision we make. Most of us don't just toss a coin whenever we have to decide on something, we make calculated decisions based on experience and knowledge of the possible outcomes.

Let me divulge a little bit of information from my past. When I was but a boy of 5, I watched my family (a term used quite loosely to encompass all those who played a major role in my developmental years) go through the heartbreaking loss of a dear friend, Gary Gorman. People die every day, we just happened to know this one. He is a very faint memory to me now, I don't even hear his voice anymore, I remember only his presence, and the way he made us feel. A few years down the road, on the eve of my 13th birthday, we lost another dear friend, Harry "Tex" Overby. To see my family go through all of this again was crushing, and I had no idea how to help, all I could do was cry with them.

Both men died of liver failure, I believe both were in the late stages of Hepatitis-C which they contracted after sharing a heroine needle with a few guys at a party in the early '70s. So what lesson did I take from this? "Don't do drugs" perhaps or "Don't lie down with dogs, or you'll wake up with fleas". No, drugs still play a very large role in my life, and while I'm not a huge fan of dogs, I have been known to wind up with fleas on occasion.

The lesson I took, my friends, was the only lesson that made any sense to me: "Life is short, so make every moment last." This is why I could care less what job I wind up with, and I don't devote much time to searching for a better half. There's always that chance that I could be dead tomorrow, and I don't want people to read that my last day of life was spent sitting through a computer science lecture, writing an English paper, taking my vitamins, and saying my prayers. I intend to make every moment last, right down to the last moment. I may contract all sorts of crippling, debilitating diseases searching for the fun in life, but I would much rather have a lifetime of good times to look back on as I'm writhing in pain than a handful of good times spread out over two lifetimes as I silently slip away.

Background noise...

Does anyone listen anymore? I mean REALLY listen... I know you all have your ears open, for the most part, and sometimes a few words get through all the filters, but I don't think it's enough.

Kudos to Caleb, as he sent me an article the other day, the gist of which was, a world renowned violinist takes his skills to the street, incognito, playing BEAUTIFUL classical music in a very busy DC metro station. The test was to see if real talent and skill would permeate through the filters of busy rush hour commuters and be recognized and honored. Our violinist played for 43 minutes, during which time approximately 1,100 people passed through the area as the masterpieces of Bach, Schubert, Ponce, and more bounce around the open atrium of L'Enfant Metro Station. Of these 1,100 few leave change for the artist and fewer still actually linger to enjoy the beautiful artwork. Essentially, no different from a vagrant with a pawn-shop saxophone performing on the street.

Have we become so jaded? Are we all sick of listening? Or are we just too busy? Too busy to appreciate beauty?

And it's not just music, it's not just listening, we've stopped reading as well! In school we're being taught speed-reading techniques, ways to take in the minimum amount of information about a topic based on the vast amount of information provided to us. Pattern recognition that allows us to read four or five word phrases or in some cases entire sentences as one entity, ignoring structure and word choice. Is that how my ramblings are being read? Skip all the little words and just try to focus on the "general idea." When we write, ideally, we choose our words carefully, crafting sentences like brush strokes in a painting. Sure, you can get the idea by standing back and looking at the whole picture, but the beauty is in the details.

Slow down my friends, slow down and try to take in the things around you. Nothing is so important that it can't wait just a couple more minutes while you bask in the glowing beauty of a moment. Just one moment. Slow it down... make each moment last... 'cause all we get is moments. Just moments. Just a moment. Then it's gone.

Food for thought...

"Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the "Milky Way".

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth."

The Meaning of Life by Eric Idle & John Du Prez

Take this for what it is... comment on your thoughts on the meaning of life. KKthx