A Safe Haven for Mental Masturbation

2008-01-17T11:56:00.000-08:00

Last semester I took a course on ethics in computing. It only met for 50 minutes a week and I rarely attended class but the assigned readings made me do a lot of thinking. All the talk about robots taking over the world and engineering new ways for us all to kill ourselves really made me wonder what it is that governs how our society will react to new technologies and what the possible outcomes could be.

I just finished watching a documentary for a class on just this topic, the origins of technology and the various inequalities it has engendered in the world. Basically, the way I see it, people are for the most part very much the same. That being said, when someone stumbles onto a new idea that seems beneficial to society, they share it with their community. Because it is difficult to reproduce the mindset that person was in when they made this glorious discovery, it's likely that a few people will find it difficult to see the benefit of this new idea. With some creative explanation and a basis of trust, the community as a whole may come to accept this new idea, thus we have advancement.

If a community or society were to make several of these discoveries and come to accept them as commonplace or common knowledge, they would begin to feel very good about themselves. As time goes on, the community will want to spread and take these ideas with them. It is when a more advanced community or society comes across one in which these various ideas have yet to be discovered that problems arise. When coming to a new community, there is a lack of trust between the involved parties and it becomes increasingly difficult to convince the various members of a new community to go along with the flow.

As a general rule, the new, or less developed society will be made up of people with vastly varying degrees of willpower. Strong willed individuals will cling to their own ideas, the traditions of their society, and the cultural and religious values already in place. Others will be more easily swayed, being more open to new ideas and less reticent when it comes to change. Those who will not be swayed will break away, or in more extreme cases, fight back against the intruders with their revolutionary claims. For those that simply break away, they will continue on as they were, without making a leap forward. The fighters become known as fundamentalists or reactionaries by the likely more powerful, intruding culture.

Everyone else is assimilated and educated in the "new ways" and help to make further advancements for society. This is the fundamental engine fueling global inequality in our world. Strong willed individuals who believe themselves to be the most intelligent among their people are reluctant to accept ideas to which they did not come themselves or are not endorsed by people they respect as their intellectual equals. For this reason, new ideas brought from unknown cultures, no matter how magnificent or revolutionary, will be scrutinized mercilessly and found unnecessary.

It is this, and not the color of our skin which makes us so extremely different. Some cultures are lucky enough to come to certain conclusions before others, whether it be because of their geographical location or the species of plant and animal life around them, they were blessed by the wheel of fate. Other cultures, held back by the cards they were dealt, will find it difficult to see the thought processes leading to a new technology because they lack perspective.

One of the greatest factors influencing whether or not a society accepts the teachings of an intruding society is religion. Religious leaders will rationalize that the gods or goddesses have blessed the people with everything they need and nothing this new people has to offer could possibly bring anything but hardships upon them. While this is not always the case, I would argue that a lot of the time, some skepticism regarding new technologies is a good thing.

More often than not, a new technology gains a mass following before some of its downfalls have been discovered, and this can cause hardships for sure. For this reason, it is important to scrutinize these discoveries as they come about rather than blindly accepting. Similarly, it's important to keep an open mind and allow yourself to see the various benefits of a new technology and weigh the options.

Time for class, more on this later.

Why America Isn't "The Greatest Nation on Earth"

2008-01-10T08:48:00.000-08:00

You're afraid, all of you, deathly afraid of the power your government has over you. It's alright, I'm a little scared myself. In a "democracy", the "demo-" is supposed to be in charge. What the heck is a "demo-"?? You are! "Demo-" is the people. Now let's face it folks, the government is not being run by people. The government is, in fact, run by politicians. Now, many of you may wonder what exactly a politician is. We at The Haven have been working around the clock on this and we believe we have found an answer. As far as we can tell, politicians did, at one time, have ancestors that could easily be identified as "people". Over the years however, with the glorious advent of the "free market economy" and the almighty dollar, we see a new breed walking around.

At first glance, a politician is no different from a regular person. Eyes, ears, mouth, arms, legs, torso, and some outer appendages which resemble hands and feet. The main difference seems to be neurological or possibly faith based. You see, the outer appendages resembling hands do not serve exactly the same purpose as hands on a real person. Politician "hands" are used solely for feeling through your pockets and other personal belongings to find and grasp onto any and all money you may have to your name. The lower appendages, the ones resembling feet, are just for show. Politicians must look as much like real people as possible to make it easier to get real people to vote for them. Once they're in place and acquiring money from their constituency, they will have more than enough to pay someone else to do all the walking for them. This designated walker is likely a real person who, for unknown reasons, wishes to cross over and become a politician. Perhaps they're just tired of walking for themselves.

In any case, I would not be opposed to a civil war, one in which the real people take on the politicians. Fortunately, we have them at an advantage, they're unclear on how to use they're hands for anything other than seeking out and acquiring money from people, while we are fully capable of pulling triggers on the automatic assault rifles our politicians graciously allow us to carry. There's no doubt in my mind that we would win, but from there, we would have to find a way to keep certain sects of our society from attempting to gain and abuse power.

In all honesty, we've given our government a lot of power. Way more than it needs to carry out the tasks we want it to. Our government is supposed to be ours to shape and mold and improve. Yet, with all the power we've given it, we can't help but stand idly by while they seek out the opinions of people willing to pay lots of money to be heard. Why are we so afraid? What do we think they might do if we told them to stop? We need to stand up to these guys. They're screwing things up and we're running out of energy to fight them. It's more than going to vote once every 2-4 years. There are laws in place that don't belong, start "breaking" them. There are loopholes that exist that need to be filled, start exploiting them! The fastest way to get what you want is to take it yourself, so stop acting like you have no control, because you do.

The only reason this country needs a leader, a "big-cheese", is so that there is a "man" for us to "stick it to". So join me, won't you all, in sticking it to the man in 2008.

<3 Me

What does it all mean??!!

2007-11-10T13:27:00.000-08:00

Note: As the result of many people's requests to do so, I have made it so you no longer have to register at Blogger to post comments. It is my hope that this will encourage all my readers who until now had no voice to speak up. Comment your hearts out!

And this is why I love comments, a Quote from David's comment on my April 9th post:
"I think meaning is all completely relative. I no longer see a difference between cars, fashion, music, hair, architecture, nature, or watercolors. Clearly I enjoy different things for different amounts of time in different ways but I don't see a reason anymore why anything is more meaningful than anything else. It's all relative."

I think you would be hard pressed to find someone who doesn't think meaning is relative. Let me demonstrate. Take something that has meaning to you, anything, it doesn't matter what. Now, think back to last week. Did that thing have the same meaning to you then? How about last month? Last year? Chances are, the thing that means the most to you now had little or no meaning to you a very short time ago. I would say it's pretty relative.

What David's comment seems to be driving at is more a matter of subjectivity. I find a lot of meaning in music, art, and nature. Many of my friends, however, find much more meaning in cars, fashion, and fine dining. Am I wrong to care less about what car I drive or what clothes I'm wearing than I do about what music is playing on the stereo or what landscape I'm driving through? I don't think so, and I hope you don't either.

The thing is, we don't really have a scale on which to measure meaning. You can't make a device that calculates meaning for things. As it turns out, there are already about 7 billion devices running around out there experiencing things and attributing meaning to them. But as I said before, no 2 of these devices (people) will attribute the same meaning to the same thing. "It's all relative."

But if we don't have a scale, how is it possible for people to be associating meaning with all of this stuff? Well, we simply attribute meaning for new stuff in reference to all the other stuff we've already applied a meaning to. Meaning is our method of connecting all things in our universe. If you can imagine yourself isolated in an infinite universe with nothing in it but you and a car, how much meaning would that car have to you?

A question that comes to mind as I think about this is, what happens when part of our world disappears? When something that we have attributed a lot of meaning to suddenly blinks out of existence, what is the effect on our perception of meaning? Do other things suddenly gain meaning? Or perhaps they lose meaning because without this one thing, they were nothing. Does finding new meaning in something take away from the meaning of other things? I encourage you all to think about these questions and give me your thoughts.

David goes on to imply that it would be easy for people to look at a beautiful nature-scape and conclude that it has far more meaning than the trendy pair of shoes on a nearby spectator's feet. He then says: "I don't think either have any meaning and both can be appreciated." A difficult statement to contradict, however I don't think there is anything that doesn't have any meaning at all. Everything in this universe has some meaning to someone, but the fact that we can't readily identify what meaning and to whom does not mean we should discount it's validity entirely. I certainly think that all things can be appreciated in their own right, it's just a matter of changing your perspective.

I want to stress the subjectivity of meaning to all of you. Everyone reading this can think of one thing, quite possibly within arm's reach, that to anyone else would mean next to nothing, but to you it means the world. Nothing has no meaning. Should you ever run across something that has no meaning to you, first try to think if any of your friends would find meaning in it, then try to imagine a person who would find a lot of meaning in it (this person may be completely insane, but we don't judge, let them be happy with what little meaning they have), if that doesn't work, make something up. Or, it may be that you have found the one thing in this universe that no one could possibly find any meaning in at all, and to me, that means a lot :-D.

Leave comments children, I <3 comments!

Peace and love,
Geoff

Everyone loves a callback...

2007-10-21T10:16:00.001-07:00

There's nothing in this world more amusing to me than a running gag. Exactly how long can we keep this one going before there's no one left in the audience still laughing? If I were a bolder man I'd probably just copy and paste the post I made 3 months ago saying how sorry I was for taking a 3 month break from writing.

Few things in this world bring me as much joy as writing. It feels so good to me when I can look inside my mind and, through language, take a snapshot of my internal processes. Every few months I take a little trip inside my head and look at all the thoughts and shapes and colors floating around. This process tends to be very chaotic and can be difficult at times, but with every experience I learn a little more about myself and how I am effected by things.

In a class on interpersonal relationships a few semesters ago, I was introduced to the notion that relationships are managed best by two individuals who are very aware of their own strengths and weaknesses, their own limits and their typical mindsets. I feel that, through occasional deep introspection, I am better able to gauge myself; I am more capable of knowing how I will react to certain stresses.

I guess my ultimate goal is communication. Not just between me and another person, but an open conversation, involving several people, all bringing their own ideas to the table. What will we talk about? It doesn't matter, as long as it's open, and honest, and real. I want a place where I don't have to feel like what I say is scrutinized or graded, and I want to offer that space to others.

The current education system teaches us to write, not as a means of communication or expression, but as a test of our abilities to regurgitate facts and information. This would be amazing if our brain was like an unfinished puzzle, with empty holes that need to be filled with facts and knowledge. Unfortunately, that is not how our brain works at all. As the old man, Socrates (Nick Nolte) put it in the film Peaceful Warrior, "The mind is a reflex organ, it reacts to everything. It fills with millions of random thoughts per day and not one of these will reveal anymore about you than a hair on the top of your head." As a side note, those of you who have not seen this movie should immediately go out and buy 2 copies, invite someone over to watch it, and then give them your extra copy to show to one of their other friends.

As it turns out, our mind is quite efficient at storing memories, especially those that have deep personal meaning. This is because when the brain is presented with something it immediately generates a response to it. This response is a surge of chemicals which causes certain synapses to fire, and you are reminded of other times when these same synapses were firing. This new incoming information is stored alongside memories you were reminded of as a result of having this experience. Thus, the more you are able to relate new experiences to those you remember from the past, the easier it will be to recall that experience as well as all of the experiences you compare it to.

Most people don't need or care to know the process by which we catalog information. However, I find it interesting to know that, simply by going out and doing and seeing more in this world, I can maintain, and even improve my memories of the past. Doing the same thing over and over again every single day actually causes things to run together; you begin to remember only that there is a routine to follow, and other memories fade.

So get out there! Experience new things, remember old times, and then come back and we can get our conversation on!

Until next time kiddies,
<3 me

2007-07-23T11:44:00.001-07:00

I really didn't mean to take a 3 month hiatus from this little project. It just seems like there are so many projects that I ought to be working on at any given point in time. Life is busy! Well, life is school and school is busy. When school is over, what the hell will I do with life?

I don't really have a topic for today. Someone requested that I do a piece on reality at some point, but the more time I spend in it, the less appealing reality becomes. I guess I've been thinking about reality an awful lot the last few months and I'm becoming more and more convinced that it doesn't exist at all. That is to say that, reality is what you make it. And I don't think any two beings in this world, or even in this universe, experience the same reality.

I guess the more important aspect of life that intrigues me is experience. Experience is an amazing thing to me. You see, experience is that which you don't get until right after you need it. I want to take some time soon and investigate shared experience, and the ways in which experiences affect us. Unfortunately, I don't have time right now because life is STILL busy. Those of you who have registered should leave me comments and suggestions and questions. Those of you who have not should, and then leave those comment-y things.

Peace and Love,
Me

Introspection...

2007-04-23T15:39:00.000-07:00

We all go through life a little differently. Some of us are seeking wealth beyond our imagining, others true love, and many more have yet to decide what exactly it is they live for. I think I probably fit into that last group somewhere. I certainly don't have a plan for my life, nor do I presume to know the "right" way to live. All I can do is try my best to figure out what it is that I'm doing that seems to be working or not working, depending on when I ask the questions.

Lately I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety over what to do after college. Many of my friends are ready to start their lives, get the job, find the girl, make the babies. I'm not down with that. That's not where my life is headed right now. Why is it that while all of my friends seem to be working their asses off to impress their prospective employers, I'm slacking my ass off and hoping that I'll be out of school as soon as possible? As it turns out, I believe that there is a link to the past in every decision we make. Most of us don't just toss a coin whenever we have to decide on something, we make calculated decisions based on experience and knowledge of the possible outcomes.

Let me divulge a little bit of information from my past. When I was but a boy of 5, I watched my family (a term used quite loosely to encompass all those who played a major role in my developmental years) go through the heartbreaking loss of a dear friend, Gary Gorman. People die every day, we just happened to know this one. He is a very faint memory to me now, I don't even hear his voice anymore, I remember only his presence, and the way he made us feel. A few years down the road, on the eve of my 13th birthday, we lost another dear friend, Harry "Tex" Overby. To see my family go through all of this again was crushing, and I had no idea how to help, all I could do was cry with them.

Both men died of liver failure, I believe both were in the late stages of Hepatitis-C which they contracted after sharing a heroine needle with a few guys at a party in the early '70s. So what lesson did I take from this? "Don't do drugs" perhaps or "Don't lie down with dogs, or you'll wake up with fleas". No, drugs still play a very large role in my life, and while I'm not a huge fan of dogs, I have been known to wind up with fleas on occasion.

The lesson I took, my friends, was the only lesson that made any sense to me: "Life is short, so make every moment last." This is why I could care less what job I wind up with, and I don't devote much time to searching for a better half. There's always that chance that I could be dead tomorrow, and I don't want people to read that my last day of life was spent sitting through a computer science lecture, writing an English paper, taking my vitamins, and saying my prayers. I intend to make every moment last, right down to the last moment. I may contract all sorts of crippling, debilitating diseases searching for the fun in life, but I would much rather have a lifetime of good times to look back on as I'm writhing in pain than a handful of good times spread out over two lifetimes as I silently slip away.

Background noise...

2007-04-09T07:11:00.000-07:00

Does anyone listen anymore? I mean REALLY listen... I know you all have your ears open, for the most part, and sometimes a few words get through all the filters, but I don't think it's enough.

Kudos to Caleb, as he sent me an article the other day, the gist of which was, a world renowned violinist takes his skills to the street, incognito, playing BEAUTIFUL classical music in a very busy DC metro station. The test was to see if real talent and skill would permeate through the filters of busy rush hour commuters and be recognized and honored. Our violinist played for 43 minutes, during which time approximately 1,100 people passed through the area as the masterpieces of Bach, Schubert, Ponce, and more bounce around the open atrium of L'Enfant Metro Station. Of these 1,100 few leave change for the artist and fewer still actually linger to enjoy the beautiful artwork. Essentially, no different from a vagrant with a pawn-shop saxophone performing on the street.

Have we become so jaded? Are we all sick of listening? Or are we just too busy? Too busy to appreciate beauty?

And it's not just music, it's not just listening, we've stopped reading as well! In school we're being taught speed-reading techniques, ways to take in the minimum amount of information about a topic based on the vast amount of information provided to us. Pattern recognition that allows us to read four or five word phrases or in some cases entire sentences as one entity, ignoring structure and word choice. Is that how my ramblings are being read? Skip all the little words and just try to focus on the "general idea." When we write, ideally, we choose our words carefully, crafting sentences like brush strokes in a painting. Sure, you can get the idea by standing back and looking at the whole picture, but the beauty is in the details.

Slow down my friends, slow down and try to take in the things around you. Nothing is so important that it can't wait just a couple more minutes while you bask in the glowing beauty of a moment. Just one moment. Slow it down... make each moment last... 'cause all we get is moments. Just moments. Just a moment. Then it's gone.

Food for thought...

2007-04-09T03:33:00.000-07:00

"Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the "Milky Way".

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth."

The Meaning of Life by Eric Idle & John Du Prez

Take this for what it is... comment on your thoughts on the meaning of life. KKthx

Baby steps...

2007-03-26T21:29:00.000-07:00

"Why are we here?"

I've heard this question an awful lot in my short little life. It's an obsession for some, finding the answer to the ultimate question. Many have devoted their life to the sciences, examining every inch of our universe looking for clues as to how we came into existence. More still have devoted their life to religion, seeking divine truth through meditation and faith. I don't want to say that any of these people are wrong; in fact, I fancy myself a truth seeker as well. The problem is, I don't think the meaning of life is something we can quantify through science or qualify through faith.

Perhaps Douglas Adams was the closest to the true meaning of life after all. For those of you who aren't familiar with him, Adams is the author of the infamous Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy (in five parts) and suggested that the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything is simply 42. A nonsensical answer at best, how can all of existence be summed up in a single number? The problem with Adams' theory, of course, is that he was never able to figure out the question. I can think of many questions that have the answer of 42, however none seem to come anywhere near encapsulating the entirety of life or the universe.

To be fair, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a complete work of fiction, and to base my findings on a piece of literature that has no bearing in reality (which I shall have to define later) is probably the silliest thing I could do. However, it is not so much Douglas Adams' answer that I am interested in but more the ridiculous nature of it. You see, in my opinion, he could have chosen anything to be the answer in his fictitious universe, and I believe he was aware of that. The answer simply wasn't important to him, and fiction or not, the answer shouldn't be important to you.

Life is hard, most definitely, and many find it difficult to make it from one day to the next without the added comfort of meaning. The problem I see with this is, there is an awful lot of squabbling between the different factions of society over what exactly that meaning is. So many of us are sure that we have already found the answer, or that our way of getting to the answer is the only true way. As I see it, the answer doesn't matter. The answer is complete nonsense anyway. Any answer that any of us could possibly come up with is going to be utterly ridiculous when it's all said and done.

So what is it that we have here when we strip away the gods, the afterlife, the science, the mysticism, and all the bickering this way and that?

I think we hide in religions and scientific gibberish. I think we put too much stock in what others tell us to be true. I'm not saying that we should turn our backs on the church and burn all the scientists. These things are security blankets, and for many of us, it's all we have. What I am saying is, rather than taking all these things at face value, we should be doing our part to define meaning. Not the meaning of life, the universe, and everything, but meaning for us.

What I'm saying, my children, is that the question we should be asking is not, "Why are we here?" Instead, a question you should ask yourself every single day is, "Why am I here?" You may find, at first, that this question is a difficult one to answer. Try thinking more specifically, for instance, don't ask, "Why am I in this universe?" or, "Why am I on planet Earth?" The key to this exercise is baby steps. Let's start with, "Why am I in this city?" If you can't answer that, try something like, "Why am I in this room?" or perhaps, "Why am I reading this loser's blog?" In time, the specifics will bring meaning to the bigger picture.

Leave comments children, you know I love comments.

<3 Me

My collection...

2007-03-19T07:10:00.000-07:00

In general, I lack faith in humanity. It seems to me that far too many of us take for granted the countless privileges we are granted in this world. Many explanations exist as to why we are where we are today, ranging from religion to Darwinian evolution. Personally, I like to believe that it is sheer dumb luck that any of us was blinked into existence, doubly so at this point in time and space. I don't really believe that we deserve any of what we have when the other creatures get by without means of automobiles or massive sky scrapers.

I say again that this is a rather generalized statement. There are, of course, many people out there doing their best to live humbly and take only what they need from the world around them, and I applaud them. I'm certainly no shimmering star, as I currently drive a big-ass van that gets less than 20 miles to the gallon and rarely take the initiative to carpool. I do my best to get as much use out of my resources as I can though, and I appreciate those of you that do the same.

With this in mind, I have been contemplating skills, and their practical purposes. Everyone is blessed with skills in some area or another. Most people posses what is referred to as marketable skills, things you're good at that can earn you a few dimes. Skills such as these can get you far in our market-driven society, and if you use them well, you can make millions. There are other skills though, skills that aren't so monetarily rewarding. These skills can take you just as far as, if not farther than, the marketable ones; it's just a matter of how you use them.

So what skills do I posses then? I'm good with computers, fascinated by numbers, I like taking things apart to see how they work and then trying to put them back together again. These skills are no longer interesting to me though. What interests me is my ability to read people, to look beyond the exterior and see what's inside. I guess in a way I take people apart to see how they work. Let me elaborate:

When I'm at school, I'm surrounded by a sea of people who are absorbed in their appearance. Narcissism runs rampant on NCState's campus and in some ways it's refreshing and in others it makes me a little bit sick to my stomach. Now, this self appreciation can be found in most other places, after all, no place is perfect. And to be fair, the benefits are very nice, in a society so totally centered on looks, the girls are HOT, almost every single one of them. I'll see a girl that makes my head spin and then walk 2 paces and see another one, they are literally everywhere. That's right, hotties are a dime a dozen down here in the triangle, the only caveat is that to snag one, you have to be pretty fucking Narcissistic yourself.

At home, things are very different. At home, everything is beautiful. Now, beauty and hotness are not the same thing at all. As a matter of fact, if I took some friends from school home to Asheville with me, they might not see a single girl that even remotely interested them. This is because many of the girls in Asheville don't care about being hooked by some cute guy, they aren't madly in love with themselves, and the certainly don't need you lusting after them. They are, however, some of the most beautiful creatures I have ever met.

Hot is an intensely superficial term, and anyone who takes it as a compliment is an intensely superficial person. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's nice to feel hot, sometimes you want to be lusted after, sometimes the attention is nice, but hot should not be a 24/7 endeavor. Beauty transcends the surface, beauty is a measure of your personality and (should you believe in such a thing) your soul. When I go home, all of the Blue Ridge Mountain Range resonates with beauty, and I am in bliss. When I return to my big city school with its big city people, I die a little bit inside, and it takes me a while to recognize the hotties, because they spend so much time trying to cover up the mistakes they've made and the regrets they have with make up that their beauty has been lost and forgotten.

So what am I doing with my skills? Because after all, what good is a skill if you don't use it properly? I collect the beautiful people. That's right, some of you have coin collections, or card collections, or pet collections. Me, I couldn't care less about those things, far too tangible, far too constant. I collect people, I see the beauty in people, I warm myself with the beauty of people, and I don't really care how marketable or non-marketable this skill of mine is. It keeps me warm, it keeps me sane, it keeps me happy.

I'll leave you with something to consider. I came to school in August of '05 after a rather miserable summer in which my girlfriend dumped me and I spent the entire time working and having almost no fun at all. The first people I met were the RAs for my floor in my residence hall. One was Sara, who was actually my RA, living in the suite next to mine. The other was Michelle, who was from the other end of the hall. Sara was a sweet innocent Mormon girl with the body of a goddess and did her best to be a good RA to me. Michelle was abrasive, somewhat bitter, and very sarcastic, and upon realizing that I was actually Sara's resident, didn't really make much of an effort to impress me. Of the two, I was attracted to Michelle the most because I could feel her warmth. She wanted nothing to do with me (which I later discovered was due to the fact that she's a lesbian) for quite some time but I pursued, regardless. I'm madly in love with Michelle and she's the best friend I have at school right now because I had to get to know her, because her beauty is so warm and refreshing in this miserable god-forsaken town.

With that in mind, I encourage you all to find BEAUTY wherever you are, and try not to get too blinded by all the hotties ;-)

<3 Me

On Traveling with Friends

2007-03-12T07:20:00.000-07:00

Holy crap, what a ridiculous ride I have been on. 3000 miles in 9 days? That's an average though, my god, I can't believe I made a 2700 mile trip in 6 days! A few notes on my adventures:

First, let me say that this trip could not have happened at all if it weren't for the adventurous nature of my friends and the endless charity that I receive from my family on so many occasions. I'm amazed at how much of my shit my friends are able to put up with, and similarly, quite amazed at how much of my friends I'm able to put up with. I think we're at least wiser having taken this trip, and it has helped us to grow. I appreciate the willingness of my friends to hop in a very sketchy vehicle with me and take off into the middle of nowhere without any plans of where to sleep or eat or when our next shower may be. It was in this way that we set out from Raleigh with extremely high hopes and adventure running through our veins.

Everything went pretty smooth I think, but as with every undertaking there were some proverbial bumps in the road. We basically didn't plan this thing out at all, and any plans we did make weren't anywhere near concrete. This lead to a diet of basically nothing but Waffle House which, long about the 4th day of roadtrippin, I was sick as hell of, but "The Team", as we have named ourselves, had plans to hit a WaHo in every state we traveled through. We missed Arkansas, we had plans to hit one in the last 10 or 20 miles before the border...as it turns out, there isn't a Waffle House in Arkansas before about mile marker 30 which we were unaware of until we were already in Texas. We also missed Mississippi, which is silly, because several of the exits in Mississippi had 2 Waffle Houses at them! We had also eaten just inside the Louisiana border so we weren't hungry for MORE Waffle House until we stopped in Alabama that night. We also missed South Carolina, mainly because we were ready to be home with hot showers and stationary seats, but also because at this point, the rest of "The Team" was beginning to share my sentiments about WaHo. Nevertheless, we ate at 9 different Waffle Houses over the course of the one week vacation, and I'll be happy if I never see another one as long as I live.

The other aspect of this trip that made things really interesting was a lack of sleeping plans. We crashed at my family's place in Asheville the first night even though we were supposed to make it to Knoxville (oops) , then we drove 9 hours from Asheville to Memphis so we could be back on schedule the next day. We ended up in a truck stop in West Memphis, Arkansas the second night (that's right, West Memphis is in Arkansas, not Tennessee as you might have guessed) as my contacts in Memphis didn't even try to get in touch with me after several attempts on my part. The third night is a story in its own right. We had gotten in touch with my mom's brother John about a place to stay, and got some very sketchy directions which resulted in driving around Farmersville, Texas, totally lost, at 11pm. I was ok with this, I've never really had a problem with being "lost", I just continue making guesses until I see something that looks familiar. Chris and Michelle were having none of this and eventually we ended up at a gas station talking to some friendly locals who told us how to get to the county road we were looking for and at 11:30 we finally found my Aunt Sharon's farm. The hot shower at their place was TOTALLY worth the 45 minutes of driving aimlessly around Texas looking for any of the numbers on the directions Uncle John gave me. In my opinion Farmersville/Dallas was the absolute greatest part of the trip.

Chris' roommate from Hong Kong lives in San Antonio, so we crashed at his place the next night, and then spent the next two nights at truck stops before returning to my family's house on Friday.

I think I may have had too much driving planned for the trip, as it felt like we were speading through every place we stopped. We spent the most time in Dallas, San Antonio, and New Orleans just walking around, looking at the BEAUTIFUL architecture. I am dumbfounded at how many fountains are in the state of Texas (especially after being informed by my Aunt that they are in a drought). Still, this was definitely the GREATEST experience of my entire life and I'm so glad I took the trip. I look forward to more adventures in the future, hopefully with more/different people. Everyone should get out and explore this ridiculous nation that we live in, because how in the world can you speak about the people of the United States of America when you don't even know who you're talking about? How can you talk about the 50 states of the Union if you've only ever been to 3 of them? I don't consider myself an expert by any means, but my ratio is improving, and maybe some day I'll know what it means to be from Nebraska, or Alaska, or Minnesota!

Here's to adventure! And here's hoping that all of you are able to take your own some day very soon!

<3 Me

ROAD TRIP!!!

2007-02-27T15:39:00.000-08:00

Did somebody say Spring Break? I think they did! It's been my dream for years to go tooling around the country with no real concept of where I'm going or what I'm gonig to see. Consequently, when my friend Chris suggested a few months ago that we take a road trip for Spring Break, I was ecstatic! Unfortunately, that plan fell by the wayside for a while, no one thought about it at all... Then one day, my friend Michelle suggested a road trip and I remembered the musings of Chris and myself about spending a week totally out of sorts with no real concept of direction or location.

So now, as it stands, I'm going on a freaking road trip! Chris, Michelle, and myself shall set out on Saturday afternoon in a generally westerly direction. The plan, at least as I see it, is to stop around Knoxville on Saturday night, then cary on to Memphis on Sunday, maybe we'll actually wind up in Arkansas before the night is over, who knows? From there, we'll go to Little Rock and hang a left toward Dallas. We'll stop somewhere outside of Dallas Monday night and maybe spend part of Tuesday exploring there, then we'll head toward Austin and San Antonio. At San Antonio we'll hang ANOTHER left toward Houston and stop somewhere along the way. Wednesday we'll explore Houston and the surrounding areas a bit before moving on to Baton Rouge. Thursday we'll explore Louisiana in all it's glory and then begin heading back toward NC. We'll stop in Montgomery Alabama Thursday night and then high-tail it to Asheville on Friday where we will spend a couple of days showering and relaxing before switching to the little Saturn we just got from my Uncle and driving back to Raleigh.

This trip is by far the coolest thing I have ever done and I am really looking forward to it. I wish there were a few more people going with us to help with gas/food expenses, but I suppose the van would get a little cramped with too many more people in it. Nevertheless, I really look forward to spending time with Chris and Michelle on the road, I hope we don't drive each other crazy :).

On a slightly more depressing note, I have a FUCKTON of work to get done between now and Saturday, so I guess I really should get cracking on that, but more on the trip later!

<3

Putting it off...

2007-02-21T07:12:00.000-08:00

I've spent the better part of the last 16 years of my life procrastinating. I put EVERYTHING off until the last minute, when a large project is assigned, I don't commit to a design plan or topic until days or even hours before the due date. I know that I'm going to wear myself out trying to get everything done this way, but still I continue. It doesn't really matter to me that I'm going to spend 15 hours working FURRIOUSLY to get whatever needs doing, done; the point is, the 15 days that I've known about this assignment, I've done nothing. I've sat around drinking, watching TV, going out on Monday and Tuesday nights getting totally fucked up, and essentially living my life as I understand and love it.

Should it concern me that my state of living could be drastically improved if I started things sooner, spent more time working on them, creating quality product rather than mediocre drivel? Probably. Am I actually concerned with my routine though? Hell no I'm not. I don't have aspirations to be GREAT, I don't strive to create things that will make me memorable. I don't even particularly care if I am remembered once I'm gone. However, if I am to be remembered, I wish to be remembered as a loving, caring, and fun individual, not a workaholic, distant, and cold person. The 15 days I spend being seemingly counter productive mean infinitely more to me than the 15 hours I spend creating a piece-of-shit C+ assignment.

I'm not out to make a name for myself in this world, I'm out to make a name for myself in MY world! I don't feel a need to justify myself to everyone out there, I am who I am for my own reasons, and if that pisses you off for some reason, or makes you look down on me, then for obvious reasons, you aren't part of MY world :). I love everyone as much as I can, but I certainly am not going to spend my time and effort trying to become the kind of person someone else wants me to be. I accept everyone I meet for who they are (not who they tell me they are, but who they actually present themselves to me) and would never ask of anyone something I didn't think they could do or something I knew they wouldn't normally do. For this reason, it seems perfectly acceptable for me to expect the same courtesies from others.

I think I'm losing focus on the topic I started out on, so I'm going to end this now before I wind up talking about something ridiculous, but as homework, I expect those of you who read this to consider to what extent you hold your guard up, to what extent you augment your personality for the people you see regularly, and moreso, how you augment your personality for the people you see every once in a while (think about what happens when your grandparents visit, how your parents act, how you act...how different do you think your grandparents are acting from their reality?) Questions like these make a difference in life.

Leave comments my children, I love comments!

Vanishing...

2007-02-19T07:40:00.000-08:00

So, I've been thinking lately about the concept of a vanishing point. Anyone familiar with art, portraits, and things of that nature, is probably familiar with the vanishing point. It's simply the idea that as an observer standing at a point gazing off into the distance, all lines converge to one point on the horizon, the vanishing point. I suppose the best example could be a distant star; from out perspective, this star is infinitesimal, but modern astronomy tells us that if the star is visible from our location in the universe, it must be HUGE. From a distance, everything converges to one small point.

As I think about this vanishing point, it occurs to me to think of straight lines that run on to infinity in both directions (in front of and behind us). Looking one way or the other along these lines leads to an interesting discovery. Although these lines converge in front of us, they appear to splay out as they continue on behind us. Turning around, of course, will not confirm this hypothesis, as it changes the vanishing point, but from what you are observing, your mind has every reason to believe that everything behind you is much much bigger than you are.

Why does this interest me? I can only say that there are things about my past (behind me) that I'm not very happy about, things I've spent a lot of time meditating on to gain meaning and move on from. If we consider time as a ride in which we can only face and move forward, everything ahead of us (the future) gets smaller the farther forward we look. For instance, the test I have in less than an hour looms quite large directly in front of me, whereas settling down and raising a family seems to be an incredibly small concern to me at the moment.

What then can be said about the events in my past? I know that when I look back at the events in my past, they seem small and nearly forgotten, but when I turn around and try to face forward, my past seems magnified and all I'm able to see is me making the same mistakes over and over again. I'm working hard to become the intelligent, thoughtful, loving person I know I have the potential to be, but sometimes all the work gets hard, and I revert back to my old ways.

I think I could benefit from stepping way outside my comfort zone, changing things up drastically. Do what Chris and Davy have done, go to a completely foreign culture and see what it's like setting up roots there. That's what I'm working towards, but I really want to get out of school first. All this Computer Science bullshit is beginning to overwhelm me. I need to get out and change things up. I wouldn't say that I'm happy with where I am, but I'm becoming complacent, settling in to my surroundings. Whether I like it or not though, things are going to change pretty drastically after another year. I just need to figure out what my next step is going to be I guess...

I'm going to get a taste for traveling this spring break. The plan is currently to leave sometime around 3 in the afternoon on Saturday, March 3rd (3PM on 3/3?) and head west. I don't know how far we'll get, or what we'll see, but the only plan is to be back in Asheville by Friday, March 9th. I think, as far as I can tell, the only people going on this trip are Chris, Michelle, and myself, and there's no telling what will happen on the way, but I'm glad to be getting away for my break instead of going home to try to make plans to see all my friends, none of which will actually have time for me because they too are busy as hell trying to keep up appearances back home and make plans to see other friends.

Here's to adventure! Here's to the future! And here's to getting over the past!

Be good my children, and safe...but not too safe ;)

The Power of Prayer

2007-01-29T08:04:00.000-08:00

Let me begin by posing a question. Why is it that so many people around our world use prayer or meditation or some other form of deep personal searching to bring about change in their lives? Despite the intense variance in geographical locations, sociological and cultural differences, and religious belief structures, personal meditation of some kind is used by (practically) everyone. Why?

The answer, of course, is that prayer works! This is a strange proclamation coming from an atheist, but it's true. Prayer is intensely powerful tool that can affect change in our lives as well as the lives of those around us. I guarantee that you could get any lucid and intelligible human being to agree that, maybe not "prayer" in particular, but intense concentration on dreams and goals has an effect on the realization of said dreams and goals.

The conflict among people seems to lie in determining why prayer works. From this question comes much argument for divine inspiration and the "helping hand" of an infinitely mystical creator. Why then is it that when I ask, "Dear God, please let me win the lottery this week, my family is in dire need of money to assist with my education, Scot is in the hospital and has no health insurance and 93 million dollars would be a great help in that department." my prayer goes unanswered? Some would argue that it has something to do with the fact that I refuse to buy a lottery ticket, but I believe that a divine creator could manifest a lottery ticket in my pocket if it was his plan to answer my prayer. Others may argue that praying for material items and monetary gain are immoral and God simply doesn't answer those prayers.

I have another theory. It seems to me that a world as infinitely random and senseless as ours could not have been conceptualized by any being, divine or otherwise. The teachings of the Bible make for a pretty good bedtime story for children, giving greater meaning to a world that seems to be a cruel and unnecessary intermediate step between a definite beginning and end lasting for eternity. Were it the case that God, or any other divine creator for that matter (I only use God in example because it is the most familiar entitiy to me), watched over us and put us on this Earth as a test to see if we are worthy of infinite prosperity, and were it also the case that we had any respect for our future generations, we would go ahead and cut out the middle man and end this pathetic struggle for survival on an unforgiving planet now.

Furthermore, it is my belief that there is more to life on our planet than a litmus test for paradise and that it lies on us to create our own paradise here on Earth. So why does prayer work, in my opinion? All I can really say is, never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. When people come together and meditate on something, and everyone has the same intent, it is like using a magnifying glass to set a pile of leaves ablaze; we all channel our energy into one specific outcome and from that errupts a fire that no one person has control over but all can say they took part in. Energy my friends, energy.

A question that may arise from my ramblings may be: How, in an infinitely random universe wherein entropy is said to be constantly increasing, could so much order manifest on this 3rd rock from the sun? That can be the topic of my next discussion though, it's time for class now. More on entropy and chaos later!

A fresh beginning

2007-01-23T00:35:00.000-08:00

This is just a nice opening post for me to get the feel of everything. I don't think I'll let you comment on it because there shouldn't be much to comment on, I just thought I would write something so my page wouldn't look so barren and desolate. I hope this whole blog thing goes well... *hope hope*